He is the most sought after star in Bollywood and if remunerations are anything to go by Ranbir Kapoor might soon outdo the Khans. Producers are willing to pay anything to get him on-board considering the mass appeal he has among the young crowd. There is buzz in the tinsel town that director Imtiaz Ali has signed Ranbir for a whopping amount Rs. 12 Crores. The movie
will be produced by Shree Ashtavinayak Cine Vision and will hit the floors early next year.
Ranbir is already in the top five pay bracket in the industry
and his price stands only next to Akshay. Considering Aamir Khan and Shahrukh Khan take a share of the profit they don't have such high signing amounts while Salman Khan's box office success has dented his remunerations. Ranbir is outdoing himself with every new film, starting with Rs 50 lakhs for Saawariya he pocketed Rs 5 crores for Bachna Ae Haseeno. He was paid Rs 8 Crores each for Wake Up Sid and Ajab Prem Ki Ghazab Kahani.
Well all we can say is that the 'Kapoor Khandan ka Chirag' has come off age just two years since making his debut in Saawariya. Along with Kareena Kapoor, Ranbir is ensuring that the first family of Bollywood still stays at the pinnacle
.
A Lovely Story
As I walked home one freezing day, I stumbled on a wallet someone had lost in the street. I picked it up and looked inside to find some identification so I could call the owner. But the wallet contained only three dollars and a crumpled letter that looked as if it had been in there for years.
The envelope was worn and the only thing that was legible on it was the return address. I started to open the letter, hoping to find some clue. Then I saw the dateline--1924. The letter had been written almost sixty years ago.
It was written in a beautiful feminine handwriting on powder blue stationery with a little flower in the left-hand corner. It was a
"Dear John" letter that told the recipient, whose name appeared to be Michael, that the writer could not see him any more because her mother forbade it. Even so, she wrote that she would always love him.
It was signed, Hannah.
It was a beautiful letter, but there was no way except for the name Michael, that the owner could be identified. Maybe if I called information, the operator could find a phone listing for the address on the envelope.
"Operator," I began, "this is an unusual request. I'm trying to find the owner of a wallet that I found. Is there anyway you can tell me if there is a phone number for an address that was on an envelope in the wallet?"
She suggested I speak with her supervisor, who hesitated for a moment then said, "Well, there is a phone listing at that address, but I can't give you the number." She said, as a courtesy, she would call that number, explain my story and would ask them if they wanted her to connect me. I waited a few minutes and then she was back on the line. "I have a party who will speak with you."
I asked the woman on the other end of the line if she knew anyone by the name of Hannah. She gasped, "Oh! We bought this house from a family who had a daughter named Hannah. But that was 30 years ago!"
"Would you know where that family could be located now?" I asked.
"I remember that Hannah had to place her mother in a nursing home some years ago," the woman said. "Maybe if you got in touch with them they might be able to track down the daughter."
She gave me the name of the nursing home and I called the number. They told me the old lady had passed away some years ago but they did have a phone number for where they thought the daughter might be living.
I thanked them and phoned. The woman who answered explained that Hannah herself was now living in a nursing home.
This whole thing was stupid, I thought to myself. Why was I making such a big deal over finding the owner of a wallet that had only three dollars and a letter that was almost 60 years old?
Nevertheless, I called the nursing home in which Hannah was supposed to be living and the man who answered the phone told me, "Yes, Hannah is staying with us. "
Even though it was already 10 p.m., I asked if I could come by to see her.
"Well," he said hesitatingly, "if you want to take a chance, she might be in the day room watching television."
I thanked him and drove over to the nursing home. The night nurse and a guard greeted me at the door. We went up to the third floor of the large building. In the day room, the nurse introduced me to Hannah.
She was a sweet, silver-haired old timer with a warm smile and a twinkle in her eye.
I told her about finding the wallet and showed her the letter. The second she saw the powder blue envelope with that little flower on the left, she took a deep breath and said, "Young man, this letter was the last contact I ever had with Michael."
She looked away for a moment deep in thought and then said Softly, "I loved him very much. But I was only 16 at the time and my mother felt I was too young. Oh, he was so handsome. He looked like Sean Connery, the actor."
"Yes," she continued. "Michael Goldstein was a wonderful person. If you should find him, tell him I think of him often. And," she hesitated for a moment, almost biting her lip, "tell him I still love him. You know," she said smiling as tears began to well up in her eyes, "I never did marry. I guess no one ever matched up to Michael..."
I thanked Hannah and said goodbye. I took the elevator to the first floor and as I stood by the door, the guard there asked, "Was the old lady able to help you?"
I told him she had given me a lead. "At least I have a last name. But I think I'll let it go for a while. I spent almost the whole day trying to find the owner of this wallet."
I had taken out the wallet, which was a simple brown leather case with red lacing on the side. When the guard saw it, he said, "Hey, wait a minute!
That's Mr. Goldstein's wallet. I'd know it anywhere with that bright red lacing. He's always losing that wallet. I must have found it in the halls at least three times."
"Who's Mr. Goldstein?" I asked as my hand began to shake.
"He's one of the old timers on the 8th floor. That's Mike Goldstein's wallet for sure. He must have lost it on one of his walks."
I thanked the guard and quickly ran back to the nurse's office. I told her what the guard had said. We went back to the elevator and got on. I prayed that Mr. Goldstein would be up.
On the eighth floor, the floor nurse said, "I think he's still in the day room. He likes to read at night. He's a darling old man."
We went to the only room that had any lights on and there was a man reading a book. The nurse went over to him and asked if he had lost his wallet. Mr. Goldstein looked up with surprise, put his hand in his back pocket and said, "Oh, it is missing!"
"This kind gentleman found a wallet and we wondered if it could be yours?"
I handed Mr. Goldstein the wallet and the second he saw it, he smiled with relief and said, "Yes, that's it! It must have dropped out of my pocket this afternoon. I want to give you a reward."
"No, thank you," I said. "But I have to tell you something. I read the letter in the hope of finding out who owned the wallet."
The smile on his face suddenly disappeared. "You read that letter?"
"Not only did I read it, I think I know where Hannah is."
He suddenly grew pale. "Hannah? You know where she is? How is she? Is she still as pretty as she was? Please, please tell me," he begged.
"She's fine...just as pretty as when you knew her." I said softly.
The old man smiled with anticipation and asked, "Could you tell me where she is? I want to call her tomorrow." He grabbed my hand and said, "You know something, mister, I was so in love with that girl that when that letter came, my life literally ended.. I never married. I guess I've always loved her. "
"Mr. Goldstein," I said, "Come with me."
We took the elevator down to the third floor. The hallways were darkened and only one or two little night-lights lit our way to the day room where Hannah was sitting alone watching the television. The nurse walked over to her.
"Hannah," she said softly, pointing to Michael, who was waiting with me in the doorway. "Do you know this man?"
She adjusted her glasses, looked for a moment, but didn't say a word.
Michael said softly, almost in a whisper, "Hannah, it's Michael. Do you remember me?"
She gasped, "Michael! I don't believe it! Michael! It's you! My Michael!"
He walked slowly towards her and they embraced. The nurse and I left with tears streaming down our faces.
"See," I said. "See how the Good Lord works! If it's meant to be, it will be."
About three weeks later I got a call at my office from the nursing home. "Can you break away on Sunday to attend a wedding? Michael and Hannah are going to tie the knot!"
It was a beautiful wedding with all the people at the nursing home dressed up to join in the celebration. Hannah wore a light beige dress and looked beautiful. Michael wore a dark blue suit and stood tall. They made me their best man.
The hospital gave them their own room and if you ever wanted to see a 76-year-old bride and a 79-year-old groom acting like two teenagers, you had to see this couple.
A perfect ending for a love affair that had lasted nearly 60 years
The envelope was worn and the only thing that was legible on it was the return address. I started to open the letter, hoping to find some clue. Then I saw the dateline--1924. The letter had been written almost sixty years ago.
It was written in a beautiful feminine handwriting on powder blue stationery with a little flower in the left-hand corner. It was a
"Dear John" letter that told the recipient, whose name appeared to be Michael, that the writer could not see him any more because her mother forbade it. Even so, she wrote that she would always love him.
It was signed, Hannah.
It was a beautiful letter, but there was no way except for the name Michael, that the owner could be identified. Maybe if I called information, the operator could find a phone listing for the address on the envelope.
"Operator," I began, "this is an unusual request. I'm trying to find the owner of a wallet that I found. Is there anyway you can tell me if there is a phone number for an address that was on an envelope in the wallet?"
She suggested I speak with her supervisor, who hesitated for a moment then said, "Well, there is a phone listing at that address, but I can't give you the number." She said, as a courtesy, she would call that number, explain my story and would ask them if they wanted her to connect me. I waited a few minutes and then she was back on the line. "I have a party who will speak with you."
I asked the woman on the other end of the line if she knew anyone by the name of Hannah. She gasped, "Oh! We bought this house from a family who had a daughter named Hannah. But that was 30 years ago!"
"Would you know where that family could be located now?" I asked.
"I remember that Hannah had to place her mother in a nursing home some years ago," the woman said. "Maybe if you got in touch with them they might be able to track down the daughter."
She gave me the name of the nursing home and I called the number. They told me the old lady had passed away some years ago but they did have a phone number for where they thought the daughter might be living.
I thanked them and phoned. The woman who answered explained that Hannah herself was now living in a nursing home.
This whole thing was stupid, I thought to myself. Why was I making such a big deal over finding the owner of a wallet that had only three dollars and a letter that was almost 60 years old?
Nevertheless, I called the nursing home in which Hannah was supposed to be living and the man who answered the phone told me, "Yes, Hannah is staying with us. "
Even though it was already 10 p.m., I asked if I could come by to see her.
"Well," he said hesitatingly, "if you want to take a chance, she might be in the day room watching television."
I thanked him and drove over to the nursing home. The night nurse and a guard greeted me at the door. We went up to the third floor of the large building. In the day room, the nurse introduced me to Hannah.
She was a sweet, silver-haired old timer with a warm smile and a twinkle in her eye.
I told her about finding the wallet and showed her the letter. The second she saw the powder blue envelope with that little flower on the left, she took a deep breath and said, "Young man, this letter was the last contact I ever had with Michael."
She looked away for a moment deep in thought and then said Softly, "I loved him very much. But I was only 16 at the time and my mother felt I was too young. Oh, he was so handsome. He looked like Sean Connery, the actor."
"Yes," she continued. "Michael Goldstein was a wonderful person. If you should find him, tell him I think of him often. And," she hesitated for a moment, almost biting her lip, "tell him I still love him. You know," she said smiling as tears began to well up in her eyes, "I never did marry. I guess no one ever matched up to Michael..."
I thanked Hannah and said goodbye. I took the elevator to the first floor and as I stood by the door, the guard there asked, "Was the old lady able to help you?"
I told him she had given me a lead. "At least I have a last name. But I think I'll let it go for a while. I spent almost the whole day trying to find the owner of this wallet."
I had taken out the wallet, which was a simple brown leather case with red lacing on the side. When the guard saw it, he said, "Hey, wait a minute!
That's Mr. Goldstein's wallet. I'd know it anywhere with that bright red lacing. He's always losing that wallet. I must have found it in the halls at least three times."
"Who's Mr. Goldstein?" I asked as my hand began to shake.
"He's one of the old timers on the 8th floor. That's Mike Goldstein's wallet for sure. He must have lost it on one of his walks."
I thanked the guard and quickly ran back to the nurse's office. I told her what the guard had said. We went back to the elevator and got on. I prayed that Mr. Goldstein would be up.
On the eighth floor, the floor nurse said, "I think he's still in the day room. He likes to read at night. He's a darling old man."
We went to the only room that had any lights on and there was a man reading a book. The nurse went over to him and asked if he had lost his wallet. Mr. Goldstein looked up with surprise, put his hand in his back pocket and said, "Oh, it is missing!"
"This kind gentleman found a wallet and we wondered if it could be yours?"
I handed Mr. Goldstein the wallet and the second he saw it, he smiled with relief and said, "Yes, that's it! It must have dropped out of my pocket this afternoon. I want to give you a reward."
"No, thank you," I said. "But I have to tell you something. I read the letter in the hope of finding out who owned the wallet."
The smile on his face suddenly disappeared. "You read that letter?"
"Not only did I read it, I think I know where Hannah is."
He suddenly grew pale. "Hannah? You know where she is? How is she? Is she still as pretty as she was? Please, please tell me," he begged.
"She's fine...just as pretty as when you knew her." I said softly.
The old man smiled with anticipation and asked, "Could you tell me where she is? I want to call her tomorrow." He grabbed my hand and said, "You know something, mister, I was so in love with that girl that when that letter came, my life literally ended.. I never married. I guess I've always loved her. "
"Mr. Goldstein," I said, "Come with me."
We took the elevator down to the third floor. The hallways were darkened and only one or two little night-lights lit our way to the day room where Hannah was sitting alone watching the television. The nurse walked over to her.
"Hannah," she said softly, pointing to Michael, who was waiting with me in the doorway. "Do you know this man?"
She adjusted her glasses, looked for a moment, but didn't say a word.
Michael said softly, almost in a whisper, "Hannah, it's Michael. Do you remember me?"
She gasped, "Michael! I don't believe it! Michael! It's you! My Michael!"
He walked slowly towards her and they embraced. The nurse and I left with tears streaming down our faces.
"See," I said. "See how the Good Lord works! If it's meant to be, it will be."
About three weeks later I got a call at my office from the nursing home. "Can you break away on Sunday to attend a wedding? Michael and Hannah are going to tie the knot!"
It was a beautiful wedding with all the people at the nursing home dressed up to join in the celebration. Hannah wore a light beige dress and looked beautiful. Michael wore a dark blue suit and stood tall. They made me their best man.
The hospital gave them their own room and if you ever wanted to see a 76-year-old bride and a 79-year-old groom acting like two teenagers, you had to see this couple.
A perfect ending for a love affair that had lasted nearly 60 years
A Girl with an Apple
August 1942. Piotrkow, Poland. The sky was gloomy that morning as we waited anxiously. All the men, women and children of Piotrkow's Jewish ghetto had been herded into a square. Word had gotten around that we were being moved. My father had only recently died from typhus, which had run rampant through the crowded ghetto. My greatest fear was that our family would be separated.
'Whatever you do,' Isidore, my eldest brother, whispered to me, 'don't tell them your age. Say you're sixteen.' I was tall for a boy of 11, so I could pull it off. That way I might be deemed valuable as a worker. An SS man approached me, boots clicking against the cobblestones. He looked me up and down, then asked my age. 'Sixteen,' I said. He directed me to the left, where my three brothers and other healthy young men already stood.
My mother was motioned to the right with the other women, children, sick and elderly people. I whispered to Isidore, 'Why?' He didn't answer. I ran to Mama's side and said I wanted to stay with her. 'No,' she said sternly. 'Get away. Don't be a nuisance. Go with your brothers.' She had never spoken so harshly before. But I understood: She was protecting me. She loved me so much that, just this once, she pretended not to. It was the last I ever saw of her.
My brothers and I were transported in a cattle car to Germany. We arrived at the Buchenwald concentration camp one night weeks later and were led into a crowded barrack. The next day, we were issued uniforms and identification numbers.
'Don't call me Herman anymore.' I said to my brothers. 'Call me 94983.'
I was put to work in the camp's crematorium, loading the dead into a hand-cranked elevator. I, too, felt dead. Hardened, I had become a number. Soon, my brothers and I were sent to Schlieben, one of Buchenwald's sub-camps near Berlin.
One morning I thought I heard my mother's voice, 'Son,' she said softly but clearly, I am going to send you an angel.' Then I woke up. Just a dream. A beautiful dream. But in this place there could be no angels. There was only work. And hunger. And fear.
A couple of days later, I was walking around the camp, around the barracks, near the barbed-wire fence where the guards could not easily see. I was alone. On the other side of the fence, I spotted someone: a little girl with light, almost luminous curls. She was half-hidden behind a birch tree. I glanced around to make sure no one saw me. I called to her softly in German.
'Do you have something to eat?' She didn't understand. I inched closer to the fence and repeated question in Polish. She stepped forward. I was thin and gaunt, with rags wrapped around my feet, but the girl looked unafraid. In her eyes, I saw life. She pulled an apple from her woolen jacket and threw it over the fence. I grabbed the fruit and, as I started to run away, I heard her say faintly, 'I'll see you tomorrow.'
I returned to the same spot by the fence at the same time every day. She was always there with something for me to eat - a hunk of bread or, better yet, an apple. We didn't dare speak or linger. To be caught would mean death for us both. I didn't know anything about her, just a kind farm girl, except that she understood Polish. What was her name? Why was she risking her life for me? Hope was in such short supply, and this girl on the other side of the fence gave me some, as nourishing in its way as the bread and apples.
Nearly seven months later, my brothers and I were crammed into a coal car and shipped to Theresienstadt camp in Czechoslovakia. 'Don't return,' I told the girl that day. 'We're leaving.' I turned toward the barracks and didn't look back, didn't even say good-bye to the little girl whose name I'd never learned, the girl with the apples.
We were in Theresienstadt for three months. The war was winding down and Allied forces were closing in, yet my fate seemed sealed. On May 10, 1945, I was scheduled to die in the gas chamber at 10:00 AM. In the quiet of dawn, I tried to prepare myself. So many times death seemed ready to claim me, but somehow I'd survived. Now, it was over. I thought of my parents. At least, I thought, we will be reunited.
But at 8 A.M. there was a commotion. I heard shouts, and saw people running every which way through camp. I caught up with my brothers. Russian troops had liberated the camp! The gates swung open. Everyone was running, so I did too.
Amazingly, all of my brothers had survived; I'm not sure how. But I knew that the girl with the apples had been the key to my survival. In a place where evil seemed triumphant, one person's goodness had saved my life, had given me hope in a place where there was none. My mother had promised to send me an angel, and the angel had come.
Eventually I made my way to England where I was sponsored by a Jewish charity, put up in a hostel with other boys who had survived the Holocaust and trained in electronics. Then I came to America, where my brother Sam had already moved. I served in the U. S. Army during the Korean War, and returned to New York City after two years. By August 1957 I'd opened my own electronics repair shop. I was starting to settle in.
One day, my friend Sid who I knew from England called me. 'I've got a date. She's got a Polish friend. Let's double date.'
A blind date? Nah, that wasn't for me. But Sid kept pestering me, and a few days later we headed up to the Bronx to pick up his date and her friend Roma. I had to admit, for a blind date this wasn't so bad. Roma was a nurse at a Bronx hospital. She was kind and smart. Beautiful, too, with swirling brown curls and green, almond-shaped eyes that sparkled with life.
The four of us drove out to Coney Island. Roma was easy to talk to, easy to be with. Turned out she was wary of blind dates too! We were both just doing our friends a favor. We took a stroll on the boardwalk, enjoying the salty Atlantic breeze, and then had dinner by the shore. I couldn't remember having a better time.
We piled back into Sid's car, Roma and I sharing the backseat. As European Jews who had survived the war, we were aware that much had been left unsaid between us. She broached the subject, 'Where were you,' she asked softly, 'during the war?'
'The camps,' I said, the terrible memories still vivid, the irreparable loss. I had tried to forget. But you can never forget.
She nodded. 'My family was hiding on a farm in Germany, not far from Berlin,' she told me. 'My father knew a priest, and he got us Aryan papers.' I imagined how she must have suffered too, fear, a constant companion. And yet here we were, both survivors, in a new world.
'There was a camp next to the farm.' Roma continued. 'I saw a boy there and I would throw him apples every day.'
What an amazing coincidence that she had helped some other boy. 'What did he look like? I asked. He was tall, skinny, and hungry. I must have seen him every day for six months.'
My heart was racing. I couldn't believe it. This couldn't be. 'Did he tell you one day not to come back because he was leaving Schlieben?'
Roma looked at me in amazement. 'Yes,' That was me! ' I was ready to burst with joy and awe, flooded with emotions. I couldn't believe it! My angel.
'I'm not letting you go.' I said to Roma. And in the back of the car on that blind date, I proposed to her. I didn't want to wait.
'You're crazy!' she said. But she invited me to meet her parents for Shabbat dinner the following week. There was so much I looked forward to learning about Roma, but the most important things I always knew: her steadfastness, her goodness. For many months, in the worst of circumstances, she had come to the fence and given me hope. Now that I'd found her again, I could never let her go.
That day, she said yes. And I kept my word. After nearly 50 years of marriage, two children and three grandchildren I have never let her go.
Herman Rosenblat, Miami Beach, Florida
'Whatever you do,' Isidore, my eldest brother, whispered to me, 'don't tell them your age. Say you're sixteen.' I was tall for a boy of 11, so I could pull it off. That way I might be deemed valuable as a worker. An SS man approached me, boots clicking against the cobblestones. He looked me up and down, then asked my age. 'Sixteen,' I said. He directed me to the left, where my three brothers and other healthy young men already stood.
My mother was motioned to the right with the other women, children, sick and elderly people. I whispered to Isidore, 'Why?' He didn't answer. I ran to Mama's side and said I wanted to stay with her. 'No,' she said sternly. 'Get away. Don't be a nuisance. Go with your brothers.' She had never spoken so harshly before. But I understood: She was protecting me. She loved me so much that, just this once, she pretended not to. It was the last I ever saw of her.
My brothers and I were transported in a cattle car to Germany. We arrived at the Buchenwald concentration camp one night weeks later and were led into a crowded barrack. The next day, we were issued uniforms and identification numbers.
'Don't call me Herman anymore.' I said to my brothers. 'Call me 94983.'
I was put to work in the camp's crematorium, loading the dead into a hand-cranked elevator. I, too, felt dead. Hardened, I had become a number. Soon, my brothers and I were sent to Schlieben, one of Buchenwald's sub-camps near Berlin.
One morning I thought I heard my mother's voice, 'Son,' she said softly but clearly, I am going to send you an angel.' Then I woke up. Just a dream. A beautiful dream. But in this place there could be no angels. There was only work. And hunger. And fear.
A couple of days later, I was walking around the camp, around the barracks, near the barbed-wire fence where the guards could not easily see. I was alone. On the other side of the fence, I spotted someone: a little girl with light, almost luminous curls. She was half-hidden behind a birch tree. I glanced around to make sure no one saw me. I called to her softly in German.
'Do you have something to eat?' She didn't understand. I inched closer to the fence and repeated question in Polish. She stepped forward. I was thin and gaunt, with rags wrapped around my feet, but the girl looked unafraid. In her eyes, I saw life. She pulled an apple from her woolen jacket and threw it over the fence. I grabbed the fruit and, as I started to run away, I heard her say faintly, 'I'll see you tomorrow.'
I returned to the same spot by the fence at the same time every day. She was always there with something for me to eat - a hunk of bread or, better yet, an apple. We didn't dare speak or linger. To be caught would mean death for us both. I didn't know anything about her, just a kind farm girl, except that she understood Polish. What was her name? Why was she risking her life for me? Hope was in such short supply, and this girl on the other side of the fence gave me some, as nourishing in its way as the bread and apples.
Nearly seven months later, my brothers and I were crammed into a coal car and shipped to Theresienstadt camp in Czechoslovakia. 'Don't return,' I told the girl that day. 'We're leaving.' I turned toward the barracks and didn't look back, didn't even say good-bye to the little girl whose name I'd never learned, the girl with the apples.
We were in Theresienstadt for three months. The war was winding down and Allied forces were closing in, yet my fate seemed sealed. On May 10, 1945, I was scheduled to die in the gas chamber at 10:00 AM. In the quiet of dawn, I tried to prepare myself. So many times death seemed ready to claim me, but somehow I'd survived. Now, it was over. I thought of my parents. At least, I thought, we will be reunited.
But at 8 A.M. there was a commotion. I heard shouts, and saw people running every which way through camp. I caught up with my brothers. Russian troops had liberated the camp! The gates swung open. Everyone was running, so I did too.
Amazingly, all of my brothers had survived; I'm not sure how. But I knew that the girl with the apples had been the key to my survival. In a place where evil seemed triumphant, one person's goodness had saved my life, had given me hope in a place where there was none. My mother had promised to send me an angel, and the angel had come.
Eventually I made my way to England where I was sponsored by a Jewish charity, put up in a hostel with other boys who had survived the Holocaust and trained in electronics. Then I came to America, where my brother Sam had already moved. I served in the U. S. Army during the Korean War, and returned to New York City after two years. By August 1957 I'd opened my own electronics repair shop. I was starting to settle in.
One day, my friend Sid who I knew from England called me. 'I've got a date. She's got a Polish friend. Let's double date.'
A blind date? Nah, that wasn't for me. But Sid kept pestering me, and a few days later we headed up to the Bronx to pick up his date and her friend Roma. I had to admit, for a blind date this wasn't so bad. Roma was a nurse at a Bronx hospital. She was kind and smart. Beautiful, too, with swirling brown curls and green, almond-shaped eyes that sparkled with life.
The four of us drove out to Coney Island. Roma was easy to talk to, easy to be with. Turned out she was wary of blind dates too! We were both just doing our friends a favor. We took a stroll on the boardwalk, enjoying the salty Atlantic breeze, and then had dinner by the shore. I couldn't remember having a better time.
We piled back into Sid's car, Roma and I sharing the backseat. As European Jews who had survived the war, we were aware that much had been left unsaid between us. She broached the subject, 'Where were you,' she asked softly, 'during the war?'
'The camps,' I said, the terrible memories still vivid, the irreparable loss. I had tried to forget. But you can never forget.
She nodded. 'My family was hiding on a farm in Germany, not far from Berlin,' she told me. 'My father knew a priest, and he got us Aryan papers.' I imagined how she must have suffered too, fear, a constant companion. And yet here we were, both survivors, in a new world.
'There was a camp next to the farm.' Roma continued. 'I saw a boy there and I would throw him apples every day.'
What an amazing coincidence that she had helped some other boy. 'What did he look like? I asked. He was tall, skinny, and hungry. I must have seen him every day for six months.'
My heart was racing. I couldn't believe it. This couldn't be. 'Did he tell you one day not to come back because he was leaving Schlieben?'
Roma looked at me in amazement. 'Yes,' That was me! ' I was ready to burst with joy and awe, flooded with emotions. I couldn't believe it! My angel.
'I'm not letting you go.' I said to Roma. And in the back of the car on that blind date, I proposed to her. I didn't want to wait.
'You're crazy!' she said. But she invited me to meet her parents for Shabbat dinner the following week. There was so much I looked forward to learning about Roma, but the most important things I always knew: her steadfastness, her goodness. For many months, in the worst of circumstances, she had come to the fence and given me hope. Now that I'd found her again, I could never let her go.
That day, she said yes. And I kept my word. After nearly 50 years of marriage, two children and three grandchildren I have never let her go.
Herman Rosenblat, Miami Beach, Florida
Do you know what I think?
THE WEDDING NIGHT
Paul and Mary get married but couldn't afford a honeymoon so they go back to Paul's Mom and Dad's house for their first night together.
In the morning Johnny - Paul's little brother - gets up and has his breakfast. As he is going out of the door to go to school - he asks his mom if Paul and Mary are up yet.
She replies - No.
Johnny asks - Do you know what I think?
His mom replies - I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school.
Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom - Are Paul and Mary up yet?
She replies - No.
Johnny says - Do you know what I think?
His mom replies - Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go for your tuition ..
After tuition - Johnny comes home and asks again - Are Paul and Mary up yet?
His mom says - No.
He asks - Do you know what I think?
His mom replies - OK - now tell me what you think
He says - Last night Paul came to my room for the Vaseline and I think.. I gave him my super glue.
*Moral of the story....it pays to listen to kids.*
Paul and Mary get married but couldn't afford a honeymoon so they go back to Paul's Mom and Dad's house for their first night together.
In the morning Johnny - Paul's little brother - gets up and has his breakfast. As he is going out of the door to go to school - he asks his mom if Paul and Mary are up yet.
She replies - No.
Johnny asks - Do you know what I think?
His mom replies - I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school.
Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom - Are Paul and Mary up yet?
She replies - No.
Johnny says - Do you know what I think?
His mom replies - Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go for your tuition ..
After tuition - Johnny comes home and asks again - Are Paul and Mary up yet?
His mom says - No.
He asks - Do you know what I think?
His mom replies - OK - now tell me what you think
He says - Last night Paul came to my room for the Vaseline and I think.. I gave him my super glue.
*Moral of the story....it pays to listen to kids.*
2 Morons & A Telephone Pole
Two morons are trying to measure a telephone pole. They keep trying to climb it and keep sliding down.
Along comes this really big, musclebound shmuck and says, "Hey, what are you guys doing?" The two idiots say, "We're trying to measure the height of this pole."
The schmuck wraps his arms around the pole, pulls it out of the ground, lays it down and measures it. Then he picks it up, puts it back in the ground, says "40 feet" and walks away.
The first moron says to the other, "What a stupid idiot - we wanted the height, not the width."
Along comes this really big, musclebound shmuck and says, "Hey, what are you guys doing?" The two idiots say, "We're trying to measure the height of this pole."
The schmuck wraps his arms around the pole, pulls it out of the ground, lays it down and measures it. Then he picks it up, puts it back in the ground, says "40 feet" and walks away.
The first moron says to the other, "What a stupid idiot - we wanted the height, not the width."
How guys select the girl
How guys select the girl they want to marry
A man is dating three women and wants to decide which to marry.
He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.
The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, purchases new make-up and buys several new outfits, and dresses up very nicely for the man.
She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.
The man is impressed.
The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts.
She gets him a new set of STRONG golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes.As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.
Again, the man is impressed.
The third invests the money in the stock market.
She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account.
She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.
Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money.
Guess which lady he chose to marry?
Think like a man . . .
(scroll down for the answer)
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He married the most beautiful one!!!!!!
A man is dating three women and wants to decide which to marry.
He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.
The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, purchases new make-up and buys several new outfits, and dresses up very nicely for the man.
She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.
The man is impressed.
The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts.
She gets him a new set of STRONG golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes.As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.
Again, the man is impressed.
The third invests the money in the stock market.
She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account.
She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.
Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money.
Guess which lady he chose to marry?
Think like a man . . .
(scroll down for the answer)
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He married the most beautiful one!!!!!!
DOWN UNDER
A Drover walks into a bar with a pet crocodile by his side.
He puts the crocodile up on the bar.
He turns to the astonished patrons. 'I'll make you a deal. I'll open this crocodile's mouth and place my manhood inside.
Then the croc will close his mouth for one minute.
'Then he'll open his mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink.'
The crowd murmured their approval.
The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his Credentials and related parts in the crocodile's open mouth.
The croc closed his mouth as the crowd gasped.
After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and smacked the crocodile really,really hard on the top of its head
The croc opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals unscathed as promised.
The crowd cheered, and the first of his free drinks were delivered.
The man stood up again and made another offer. 'I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try.'
A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar.
A blonde woman timidly Spoke up..........
'I'll try it - Just don't hit me so hard with the beer bottle!'
He puts the crocodile up on the bar.
He turns to the astonished patrons. 'I'll make you a deal. I'll open this crocodile's mouth and place my manhood inside.
Then the croc will close his mouth for one minute.
'Then he'll open his mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink.'
The crowd murmured their approval.
The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his Credentials and related parts in the crocodile's open mouth.
The croc closed his mouth as the crowd gasped.
After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and smacked the crocodile really,really hard on the top of its head
The croc opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals unscathed as promised.
The crowd cheered, and the first of his free drinks were delivered.
The man stood up again and made another offer. 'I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try.'
A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar.
A blonde woman timidly Spoke up..........
'I'll try it - Just don't hit me so hard with the beer bottle!'
Cowboy Boots ( Lil Non Veg )
A middle-aged couple, Joanne and Bob, moved to Texas . Bob had always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots so, seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home.
Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife "Notice anything different about me?"
Joanne looked him over. "Nope" she said.
Frustrated, Bob stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots..
Again he asked Joanne, a little louder this time, "Notice anything different NOW?"
Joanne looked up and exclaimed, "Bob, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, and it'll be hanging down again tomorrow!"
Furious, Bob yelled, "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN, Joanne?"
"Nope", she replied.
"IT'S HANGING DOWN, BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW COWBOY BOOTS!"
Without changing her expression, Joanne replied, "Shoulda bought a hat, Bob. You shoulda bought a hat."
Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife "Notice anything different about me?"
Joanne looked him over. "Nope" she said.
Frustrated, Bob stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots..
Again he asked Joanne, a little louder this time, "Notice anything different NOW?"
Joanne looked up and exclaimed, "Bob, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, and it'll be hanging down again tomorrow!"
Furious, Bob yelled, "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN, Joanne?"
"Nope", she replied.
"IT'S HANGING DOWN, BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW COWBOY BOOTS!"
Without changing her expression, Joanne replied, "Shoulda bought a hat, Bob. You shoulda bought a hat."
the blonde convention
80,000 blondes meet in the Kansas City Chiefs Stadium for a "Blondes Are Not Stupid" Convention.
The leader says, "We are all here today to prove to the world that blondes are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?"
A blonde gingerly works her way through the crowd and steps up to the stage.
The leader asks her, "What is 15 plus 15?"
After 15 or 20 seconds she says, "Eighteen!"
Obviously everyone is a little disappointed. Then 80,000 blondes start cheering, "Give her another chance! Give her another chance!"
The leader says, "Well since we've gone to the trouble of getting 80,000 of you in one place and we have the world- wide press and global broadcast media here, gee, uh, I guess we can give her another chance."
So he asks, "What is 5 plus 5?"
After nearly 30 seconds she eventually says, "Ninety?"
The leader is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh -- everyone is disheartened - the blonde starts crying and the 80,000 girls begin to yell and wave their hands shouting, "GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!"
The leader, unsure whether or not he is doing more harm than damage, eventually says, "Ok! Ok! Just one more chance -- What is 2 plus 2?"
The girl closes her eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says, "Four?"
Throughout the stadium pandemonium breaks out as all 80,000 girls jump to their feet, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream... "GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!"
The leader says, "We are all here today to prove to the world that blondes are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?"
A blonde gingerly works her way through the crowd and steps up to the stage.
The leader asks her, "What is 15 plus 15?"
After 15 or 20 seconds she says, "Eighteen!"
Obviously everyone is a little disappointed. Then 80,000 blondes start cheering, "Give her another chance! Give her another chance!"
The leader says, "Well since we've gone to the trouble of getting 80,000 of you in one place and we have the world- wide press and global broadcast media here, gee, uh, I guess we can give her another chance."
So he asks, "What is 5 plus 5?"
After nearly 30 seconds she eventually says, "Ninety?"
The leader is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh -- everyone is disheartened - the blonde starts crying and the 80,000 girls begin to yell and wave their hands shouting, "GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!"
The leader, unsure whether or not he is doing more harm than damage, eventually says, "Ok! Ok! Just one more chance -- What is 2 plus 2?"
The girl closes her eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says, "Four?"
Throughout the stadium pandemonium breaks out as all 80,000 girls jump to their feet, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream... "GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!"
Smile please but carefully +18
Marry and make a woman happy OR remain a bachelor and make several women happy!
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A pregnant lady went to an astrologer.
Astrologer: When u delivers a baby, baby's father will die.
Lady: Thank god! My husband is safe!
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There are only 5 things we need in life: Good friends, Good job, Good food, Good sleep & Good _ UCK. Whatever u are thinking... is right.
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A cute Nurse came 4 the interview.
Dr: What salary U Xpect?
Nurse: Rs.10,000.
Dr was overjoyed & said: My Pleasure.
Nurse: With pleasure it's 25,000
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In order to get 100/100 in life, a man requires 100% talent, whereas a woman requires only 4% talent & the remaining is only 36-24-36
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Food for thought: Why to suffer trying by all means to become rich and wear expensive branded clothes, when most beautiful things in life we do naked.
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Q: Which boy has the permission to get into a girls' bathroom and touch her anywhere she likes?
A: Lifebuoy.
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A Guy picks up a girl for the date. Why are u wearing ur belt around ur knee.?
Girl: I promised my mom that I wouldn't let you touch me below my belt.
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A pregnant lady went to an astrologer.
Astrologer: When u delivers a baby, baby's father will die.
Lady: Thank god! My husband is safe!
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There are only 5 things we need in life: Good friends, Good job, Good food, Good sleep & Good _ UCK. Whatever u are thinking... is right.
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A cute Nurse came 4 the interview.
Dr: What salary U Xpect?
Nurse: Rs.10,000.
Dr was overjoyed & said: My Pleasure.
Nurse: With pleasure it's 25,000
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In order to get 100/100 in life, a man requires 100% talent, whereas a woman requires only 4% talent & the remaining is only 36-24-36
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Food for thought: Why to suffer trying by all means to become rich and wear expensive branded clothes, when most beautiful things in life we do naked.
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Q: Which boy has the permission to get into a girls' bathroom and touch her anywhere she likes?
A: Lifebuoy.
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A Guy picks up a girl for the date. Why are u wearing ur belt around ur knee.?
Girl: I promised my mom that I wouldn't let you touch me below my belt.
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Pearly Gate
A man died and went to heaven.
As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.
He asked, 'What are all those clocks?'
St. Peter answered, 'Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock move.'
Oh,' said the man, 'whose clock is that?'
'That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie.'
'Incredible,' said the man. 'And whose clock is that one?'
St. Peter responded, 'That's Abraham Lincoln's clock.
The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life.'
'Where's Gordon Brown's clock?' asked the man.
'Brown's clock is in God's office. He's using it as a ceiling fan.'
As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.
He asked, 'What are all those clocks?'
St. Peter answered, 'Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock move.'
Oh,' said the man, 'whose clock is that?'
'That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie.'
'Incredible,' said the man. 'And whose clock is that one?'
St. Peter responded, 'That's Abraham Lincoln's clock.
The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life.'
'Where's Gordon Brown's clock?' asked the man.
'Brown's clock is in God's office. He's using it as a ceiling fan.'
Lord Dharamraj and Priest
A Priest dies & is awaiting his turn in line at the Heaven's Gates. Ahead of him is a guy, nattily dressed, in dark sun glasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket & jeans.
Lord Dharamraj asks him: Please tell me who are you, so that I may know whether to admit you into the kingdom of Heaven or not?
The guy replies: I am Banta Singh, taxi driver from New Delhi !
Lord Dharamraj consults his ledger, smiles & says to Banta Singh: Please take this silken robe & gold scarf & enter the Kingdom of Heaven .
Now it is the priest's turn. He stands erect and speaks out in a booming voice: I am Sant Shiromani Baba so & so, Head Priest of the so & so Temple for the last 40 years.
Lord Dharamraj consults his ledger & says to the Priest: Please take this cotton robe & enter the Kingdom of Heaven .
'Just a minute,' says the agonized Priest. How is that a foul mouthed, rash driving Taxi Driver is given a Silken robe & a Golden scarf and me, a Priest, who's spent his whole life preaching your Name & goodness has to make do with a Cotton robe?
'Results my friend, Results,' shrugs Lord Dharamraj.
While you preached, people SLEPT; but when he drove his taxi, people PRAYED.
Moral of the story: It's PERFORMANCE & not POSITION + EDUCATION that ultimately counts.
Lord Dharamraj asks him: Please tell me who are you, so that I may know whether to admit you into the kingdom of Heaven or not?
The guy replies: I am Banta Singh, taxi driver from New Delhi !
Lord Dharamraj consults his ledger, smiles & says to Banta Singh: Please take this silken robe & gold scarf & enter the Kingdom of Heaven .
Now it is the priest's turn. He stands erect and speaks out in a booming voice: I am Sant Shiromani Baba so & so, Head Priest of the so & so Temple for the last 40 years.
Lord Dharamraj consults his ledger & says to the Priest: Please take this cotton robe & enter the Kingdom of Heaven .
'Just a minute,' says the agonized Priest. How is that a foul mouthed, rash driving Taxi Driver is given a Silken robe & a Golden scarf and me, a Priest, who's spent his whole life preaching your Name & goodness has to make do with a Cotton robe?
'Results my friend, Results,' shrugs Lord Dharamraj.
While you preached, people SLEPT; but when he drove his taxi, people PRAYED.
Moral of the story: It's PERFORMANCE & not POSITION + EDUCATION that ultimately counts.
health insurance
A man suffered a serious heart attack and had open heart bypass surgery.
He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at a Catholic Hospital .
As he was recovering, a nun asked him questions regarding how he was going to pay for his treatment.
She asked, 'Do you have health insurance?'
He replied in a raspy voice, 'No '
The nun asked, 'Do you have money in the bank?'
He replied, 'No money in the bank.'
The nun asked, 'Do you have a relative who could help you?'
He said, 'I only have a spinster sister, who is a nun.'
The nun became agitated and announced loudly,
'Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God.'
The patient replied, 'Send the bill to my brother-in-law.'
He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at a Catholic Hospital .
As he was recovering, a nun asked him questions regarding how he was going to pay for his treatment.
She asked, 'Do you have health insurance?'
He replied in a raspy voice, 'No '
The nun asked, 'Do you have money in the bank?'
He replied, 'No money in the bank.'
The nun asked, 'Do you have a relative who could help you?'
He said, 'I only have a spinster sister, who is a nun.'
The nun became agitated and announced loudly,
'Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God.'
The patient replied, 'Send the bill to my brother-in-law.'
Professional
A woman was at work when she received a phone call that her daughter was very sick with a fever.
She left her work and stopped by the pharmacy to get some medication. She got back to her car and found that she had locked her keys in the car.
She didn't know what to do, so she called home and told the baby sitter what had happened.
The baby sitter told her that the fever was getting worse. She said, "You might find a coat hanger and use that to open the door."
The woman looked around and found an old rusty coat hanger that had been left on the ground, possibly by someone else who at some time had locked their keys in their car. She looked at the hanger and said, "I don't know how to use this."
She bowed her head and asked God to send her help.
Within five minutes a beat up old motorcycle pulled up, with a dirty, greasy, bearded man who was wearing an old biker skull rag on his head.
The woman thought, "This is what you sent to help me?"
But, she was desperate, so she was also very thankful.
The man got off of his cycle and asked if he could help.
She said, "Yes, my daughter is very sick. I stopped to get her some medication and I locked my keys in my car. I must get home to her.
Please, can you use this hanger to unlock my car?"
He said, "Sure." He walked over to the car, and in less than a minute the car was opened. She hugged the man and through her tears she said, "Thank You So Much! You are a very nice man."
The man replied, "Lady, I am not a nice man. I just got out of prison today. I was in prison for car theft and have only been out for about an hour."
The woman hugged the man again and with sobbing tears cried out loud, "Oh, Thank you God! You even sent me a Professional."
She left her work and stopped by the pharmacy to get some medication. She got back to her car and found that she had locked her keys in the car.
She didn't know what to do, so she called home and told the baby sitter what had happened.
The baby sitter told her that the fever was getting worse. She said, "You might find a coat hanger and use that to open the door."
The woman looked around and found an old rusty coat hanger that had been left on the ground, possibly by someone else who at some time had locked their keys in their car. She looked at the hanger and said, "I don't know how to use this."
She bowed her head and asked God to send her help.
Within five minutes a beat up old motorcycle pulled up, with a dirty, greasy, bearded man who was wearing an old biker skull rag on his head.
The woman thought, "This is what you sent to help me?"
But, she was desperate, so she was also very thankful.
The man got off of his cycle and asked if he could help.
She said, "Yes, my daughter is very sick. I stopped to get her some medication and I locked my keys in my car. I must get home to her.
Please, can you use this hanger to unlock my car?"
He said, "Sure." He walked over to the car, and in less than a minute the car was opened. She hugged the man and through her tears she said, "Thank You So Much! You are a very nice man."
The man replied, "Lady, I am not a nice man. I just got out of prison today. I was in prison for car theft and have only been out for about an hour."
The woman hugged the man again and with sobbing tears cried out loud, "Oh, Thank you God! You even sent me a Professional."
Mouse Balls And Mouse Ball inspector
I don't know how they wrote this with a straight face.
This was a real memo sent out by IBM to its employees in all seriousness.
It went to all field engineers about a computer peripheral problem.
The author of this memo was quite genuine. The engineers rolled on the floor! Especially note the last couple of sentences.
"If a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement.
Mouse balls are now available as FRU (Field Replacement Units). Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, a replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel.
Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the underside of the mouse. Domestic balls will be larger and harder than foreign balls.
Ball removal procedures differ depending upon the manufacturer of the mouse. Foreign balls can be replaced using the pop off method. Domestic balls are replaced by using the twist off method.
Mouse balls are not usually static sensitive.
However, excessive handling can result in sudden discharge. Upon completion of ball replacement, the mouse may be used immediately.
It is recommended that each person have a pair of spare balls for maintaining optimum customer satisfaction.
Any customer missing his balls should contact the local personnel in charge of removing and replacing these necessary items.
Please keep in mind that a customer without properly working balls is an unhappy customer."
This was a real memo sent out by IBM to its employees in all seriousness.
It went to all field engineers about a computer peripheral problem.
The author of this memo was quite genuine. The engineers rolled on the floor! Especially note the last couple of sentences.
"If a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement.
Mouse balls are now available as FRU (Field Replacement Units). Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, a replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel.
Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the underside of the mouse. Domestic balls will be larger and harder than foreign balls.
Ball removal procedures differ depending upon the manufacturer of the mouse. Foreign balls can be replaced using the pop off method. Domestic balls are replaced by using the twist off method.
Mouse balls are not usually static sensitive.
However, excessive handling can result in sudden discharge. Upon completion of ball replacement, the mouse may be used immediately.
It is recommended that each person have a pair of spare balls for maintaining optimum customer satisfaction.
Any customer missing his balls should contact the local personnel in charge of removing and replacing these necessary items.
Please keep in mind that a customer without properly working balls is an unhappy customer."
j o k e
These three guys (two younger and one older) always go golfing together every Sunday morning. They're just about to get up on the tee when the club pro walks up and tells them that there's a woman who is golfing by herself and he asks if they would mind if she played along with them. They thought about it and reluctantly said "Sure, no problem."
They were hoping the woman wouldn't slow up their game but once they start playing they soon realize that she is a hell of a golfer. Better, in fact, than each of them. Not only that, she's extremely attractive as well.
They get to the 18th tee and she is one under par. They are all on the green and she has a 20 footer for par. She tells the three men,
"You guys have been gentlemen through the whole round by letting me play and not giving me a hard time because I'm the only woman. This is the first time I'll ever break par and to show my appreciation, whichever one of you can show me the right line to make this putt, I'll give you a blow job."
The first young guy looks real hard and says, "I think it's left edge."
The second young guy looks even harder and says, "No, I think it's right edge."
The older guy walks over and picks up the ball, tosses it to the woman and says, "It's a gimmie."
j o k e
A drunken Irishman is driving through the city of Dublin and his car is weaving violently all over the road.
A cop pulls him over.
"So," says the cop to the driver, "where have you been?"
"I've been to the pub," slurs the drunk.
"Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few."
"I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.
"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms, "that a few miles back, your wife fell out of your car?"
"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the man. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."
Quotes
- Steven Wright"A friend of mine has a car phone and he has an answering machine for it. The message is, 'Hi, I'm home right now, so I can't come to the phone. If you leave your name and number, I'll call you when I'm out'"
Equations!
Equation 1
Human = eat + sleep + work + enjoy
Donkey = eat + sleep
Therefore:
Human = Donkey + Work + enjoy
Therefore:
Human-enjoy = Donkey + Work
In other words,
A Human that doesn't know how to enjoy = Donkey that works.
Equation 2
Man = eat + sleep + earn money
Donkey = eat + sleep
Therefore:
Man = Donkey + earn money
Therefore:
Man-earn money = Donkey
In other words
Man who doesn't earn money = Donkey
Equation 3
Woman= eat + sleep + spend
Donkey = eat + sleep
Therefore:
Woman = Donkey + spend
Woman - spend = Donkey
In other words,
Woman who doesn't spend = Donkey
To Conclude:
From Equation 2 and Equation 3
Man who doesn't earn money = Woman who doesn't spend
So Man earns money not to let woman become a donkey!
And a woman spends not to let the man become a donkey!
So, We have:
Man + Woman = Donkey + earn money + Donkey + Spend money
Therefore from postulates 1 and 2, we can conclude
Man + Woman = 2 Donkeys that live happily together!
PLEASE IGNORE IF U R MARRIED.....
Main kis liye jita hoon
Kyun pouchty ho
Kiya tum se kahoon
Main kis liye jita hoon
Shayad k kabhi mil jao kaheen
Main is liye jita hoon.
Jine ka mujhe kuch shoq naheen
Bas waqt guzara karta hoon
Kuch deer ulhaj kar yadoon main
Dunya se kanara karta hoon
Marta bhi ussi ki khatir hoon main
Jis liye jita hoon
Shayad k kabhi mil jao kaheen
Main isliye jita hoon
Main hoon k sulagta rahta hoon
Bhujta bhi naheen
Jalta bhi naheen
Dil hay k tarapta rehta hay
Rukta bhi naheen chalta bhi naheen
Jine ki tamana mit bhi chuki
Phir kis liye jita hoon
Shayad k kabhi mil jao kaheen
Main isliye jita hoon !!!
difference between dream and aim.
There is only one difference between dream and aim.
Dream requires effortless sleep whereas aim requires sleepless effort. Sleep for dreams and wake up for aims.
Heavy rains remind us of challenges in life. Never ask for a lighter rain. Just pray for a better umbrella.
It`s not important to hold all the good cards in life. But it`s important how well you play with the cards which you hold.
What should be in a book to make it a bestseller? A girl on the cover and no cover on the girl.
People like crowds. The bigger the crowd, the more people show up. Small crowd, hardly anybody shows
Two beggars
Two beggars are sitting side by side on a street in Mexico City. One has a cross in front of him,
the other one the Star of David. Many people go by and look at both beggars, but only put money
into the hat of the beggar sitting behind the cross.
A priest comes by, stops and watches throngs of people giving money to the beggar behind the cross, but none to the beggar behind the Star of David.
Finally the priest goes over to the beggar behind the Star of David and says: "My poor fellow, don't you understand? This is a Catholic country.
People aren't going to give you money if you sit there with a Star of David in front of you, especially when you're sitting beside a beggar who has a cross. In fact, they would probably give to him just out of spite."
The beggar behind the Star of David turns to the beggar with the cross and says, "Batuk , look who's here to teach the Gujarati Brothers about marketing !"
*JUST FIVE MORE MINUTES*
While at the park one day, a woman sat down next to a man on a bench near a playground. "That's my son over there," she said, pointing to a little boy in a red sweater who was gliding down the slide.
"He's a fine looking boy" the man said. "That's my daughter on the bike in The white dress." Then, looking at his watch, he called to his daughter.
"What do you say we go, Melissa?"
Melissa pleaded, "Just five more minutes, Dad. Please? Just five more minutes."
The man nodded and Melissa continued to ride her bike to her heart's content.
Minutes passed and the father stood and called again to his daughter. "Time to go now?"
Again Melissa pleaded, "Five more minutes, Dad. Just five more minutes."
The man smiled and said, "O.K."
"My, you certainly are a patient father," the woman responded.
The man smiled and then said, "Her older brother Tommy was killed by a drunk driver last year while he was riding his bike near here. I never spent much time with Tommy and now I'd give anything for just five more minutes with him. I've vowed not to make the same mistake with Melissa. She thinks she has five more minutes to ride her bike. The truth is, I get five more minutes to watch her play."
Life is all about making priorities, what are your priorities?
Give someone you love 5 more minutes of your time today
Two old drunks
Two old drunks are sitting in a bar when the first one says, 'Ya know, when I was thirty and got an erection, I couldn't bend it, even using both hands.
By the time I was forty, I could bend it about ten degrees if I tried really hard.
By the time I was fifty, I could bend it about twenty degrees, no problem.
I'm gonna be sixty next week, and now I can bend it in half with just one hand.'
'So,' says the second drunk, 'what's your point?'
'Well, I'm just wondering how much stronger I'm gonna get
IT IS EASY "IF"
IT IS EASY "IF"
It is easy to not lie if one doesn’t fear the truth.
It is easy to not steal if one doesn’t fear need.
It is easy to not envy if one doesn’t fear that one’s status is threatened.
It is easy to not anger if not fearing others.
It is easy to not be open-minded if one fears knowledge.
It is easy to not kill if one doesn’t fear that a life is threatened.
It is easy to not be creative if one fears criticism.
It is easy to not be prejudiced if not fearing the differences of others.
It is easy to not trust if one fears the mal-intent of others.
It is easy to not have hope if one fears continued failure.
It is easy to see that most of the evils of life come from our fears
It is easy to see that if we stopped responding to most of our fears, that most of life's evils would no longer be.
Quotes
Belief :
"The only thing that stands between a person and what they want from life is often the will to try it and the faith to believe it's possible."
Failure:
"Failures are divided into two classes- those who thought and never did and those who did and never thought."
Courage:
"Courage is the door that can only be opened from the inside."
Excellence:
"It is a funny thing about life: if you refuse to accept anything but the best,
you very often get it."
Discipline:
"To get what we've never had, we must do what we've never done."
Knowledge:
"Knowledge is like climbing a mountain;
the higher you reach, the more you
can see and appreciate."
Perseverance:
"In the confrontation between the stream and the rock,
the stream always wins...
not through strength but by perseverance. "
Five surgeons
Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on.
The first surgeon says,
"I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."
The second responds,
"Yeah, but you should try electricians Everything inside them is color coded."
The third surgeon says,
"No, I really think file clerks are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order."
The fourth surgeon chimes in:
"You know, I like construction workers... those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would."
But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed:
"You' re all wrong.
Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, and no spine, and the head and butt are interchangeable. "
"quotes"
Love th is photogenic it needs darkness to develop.
A good discussion is like a miniskirt, Short enough to pertain interest and long enough to cover the subject!
Children in backseats cause accidents, Accidents in backseats cause children!
"Your future depends on your dreams" So go to sleep!
There should be a better way to start a day than waking up every morning!
"ALCOHOL KILLS SLOWLY", So what? Who's in a hurry?
"Hard work never killed anybody", But why take the risk! (I don't want to be an exception!)
"Work fascinates me", I can sit and watch it for hours!
if you love somebody
THE ORIGINAL VERSION:
If you love something, Set it free...
If it comes back, it's yours,
If it doesn't, it never was yours....
THE PESSIMIST VERSION:
If you love somebody, Set her free ...
If she ever comes back, she's yours,
If she doesn't, well, as
expected, she never was.
THE OPTIMIST VERSION:
If you love somebody,
Set her free...
Don't worry, she will come back.
THE SUSPICIOUS VERSION:
If you love somebody, Set her free ...
If she ever comes back, ask her why.
THE IMPATIENT VERSION:
If you love somebody, Set her free ...
If she doesn't comes back within some time limit,
forget her.
THE PATIENT VERSION:
If you love somebody, Set her free...
If she doesn't come back, continue to wait
until she comes back ...
THE PLAYFUL VERSION:
If you love somebody,
Set her free...
If she comes back, and if you love her still,
set her free again, repeat
THE LAWYER'S VERSION:
If you love somebody, Set her free...
Clause 1a of Paragraph 13a-1 in the second
amendment of the
Matrimonial Freedom Act clearly states that...
THE BILL GATES VERSION:
If you love somebody, Set her free...
If she comes back,
I think we can charge her for re-installation fees
and tell her that she's also going to get an upgrade.
THE STATISTICIAN' S VERSION:
If you love somebody, Set her free...
If she loves you, the probability of her coming back is high
If she doesn't, your relationship was improbable anyway.
THE POSSESSIVE VERSION:
If you love somebody don't ever set her free.
THE MBA VERSION:
If you love somebody set her free...
instantaneously. ..
and look for others simultaneously.
THE PSYCHOLOGIST' S VERSION:
If you love somebody set her free...
If she comes back, her super ego is dominant
If she doesn't come, back her id is supreme
If she doesn't go, she must be crazy.
THE FINANCE EXPERT VERSION:
If you love somebody set her free...
If she comes back, its time to look for fresh loans.
If she doesn't, write her off as an asset gone bad.
THE MARKETING VERSION:
If you love somebody set her free...
If she comes back, she has brand loyalty
If she doesn't, reposition the brand in new markets.
Wish you a very Happy Morning
This Morning When I Wakened
And Saw The Sun Above,
I Softly Said, "Good Morning, Lord,
Bless Everyone I Love."
Right Away I Thought Of You
And Said A Loving Prayer,
That He Would Bless You Specially,
And Keep You Free From Care.
I Thought Of All The Happiness
A Day Could Hold In Store,
I Wished It All For You Because
No One Deserves It More.
How to identify cities in India ???
Scenario 1
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along, then a fourth and they start arguing about who's right.
You are in Kolkata
Scenario 2
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along, sees them and walks on.
That's Mumbai
Scenario 3
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along & tries to make peace.The first two get together & beat him up.
That's Delhi
Scenario 4
Two guys are fighting. A crowd gathers to watch. A guy comes along And quietly opens a chai-stall
That's Ahmedabad.
Scenario 5
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes he writes a software Program to stop the fight. But the fight doesn't stop b'cos of a bug in the
program.
That's Bangalore
Scenario 6
Two guys are fighting. A crowd gathers to watch. A guy comes along And quietly says that "AMMA" doesn't like all this nonsense. Peace comes in.
That's Chennai.
Scenario 7
Two guys are fighting. Third guy comes along with a carton of beer. All sit together drinking beer and abusing each other and all go home being friends.
You are in Goa
Scenario 8
Two guys are fighting. Both of them take time out and call their Friends on mobile. Now 50 guys are fighting.
. .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . You are DEFINITELY IN Gurgaon-Haryana
Newton in Romantic Mood......
Universal law of Love:
" Love can neither be created nor be destroyed; only it can transfer from One girlfriend to another girlfriend with some loss of money "
************ *
First law of Love:
" a boy in love with a girl, continue to be in love with her and a girl in love with a boy, continue to be in love with him, until or unless any external agent(brother or father of the gal) comes into play and break the legs of the boy. "
************ *
Second law of Love:
" the rate of change of intensity of love of a girl towards a boy is directly proportional to the instantaneous bank balance of the boy and the direction of this love is same to as increment or decrement of the bank balance. "
************ *
Third law of Love:
" the force applied while proposing a girl by a boy is equal and opposite to the force applied by the girl while slapping ."
"my wife's expecting."
A young private sought permission from his Commanding Officer to leave camp the following weekend. "You see," he explained, "my wife's expecting."
"Oh..." said the Officer, "I understand. Go ahead and tell your wife that I wish her luck."
The following week the same soldier was back again with the same explanation: "My wife's expecting."
The Officer looked surprised. "Still expecting?" he said, "Well, well, my boy, you must be pretty bothered. Of course you can have the week-end off."
When the same soldier appeared again the third week, however, the Officer lost his temper. "Don't tell me your wife is still expecting!" he bellowed.
"Yes sir!" said the soldier resolutely, "She's still expecting."
"What in heaven is she expecting?" cried the Officer.
"Me." said the soldier simply.
*********
Love & Marriage
A student asks a teacher, "What is love?"
The teacher said, "in order to answer your question, go to the wheat field and choose the biggest wheat and come back.
But the rule is: you can go through them only once and cannot turn back to pick."
The student went to the field, go thru first row, he saw one big wheat, but he wonders....may be there is a bigger one later.
Then he saw another bigger one... But may be there is an even bigger one waiting for him.
Later, when he finished more than half of the wheat field, he start to realize that the wheat is not as big as the previous one he saw, he know he has missed the biggest one, and he regretted.
So, he ended up went back to the teacher with empty hand.
The teacher told him, "...this is love... You keep looking for a better one, but when later you realise, you have already miss the person...."
"What is marriage then?" the student asked.
The teacher said, "in order to answer your question, go to the corn field and choose the biggest corn and come back. But the rule is: you can go through them only once and cannot turn back to pick."
The student went to the corn field, this time he is careful not to repeat the previous mistake, when he reach the middle of the field, he has picked one medium corn that he feel satisfy, and come back to the teacher.
The teacher told him, "this time you bring back a corn.... You look for one that is just nice, and you have faith and believe this is the best one you get.... This is marriage."
Santa Attacks
santa had always been worried that why he has one brother while his sister has two?????
***********************************
santa selling parachute, tells the customer "jump from plane n press button & you can land safely."
CUSTOMER: if it doesn't open????
SARDAR : PAISA WAPAS.......
***********************************
santa is walking along the road. He sees a banana peel. What does he think??
"UFF, Aj phir girna padega!!"
Then next day he is walking along the road, he sees two banana peels. What does he think??????? ?
"Ispe se giru, ya uspe se????"
Then the day after that he sees a lot of banana peels on the road. So he calls home and tells his wife..
"AAj ghar late aaoonga!!"
***********************************
After making a trip of South India, Santa Singh, his wife and his son were returning to Punjab in Tamilnadu Express.
Santa Singh was occupying the lower berth, his wife the middle berth and his son the top most berth in the train. When the train stopped at one of the stations on the way back the son requested Santa Singh to bring him a cup of Ice cream to which Santa readily agreed.
When Santa and his son returned they found that a South Indian who couldn't understand Hindi had occupied his son's berth.
Outraged, Santa Singh called the TT and asked him to help. TT requested that he could not understand Hindi/Punjabi so it would be better if Santa Singh explained the whole situation to him in English.
Santa Singh explained, "That man sleeping on top of my wife is not giving birth to my child."
***********************************
Bush: Impossible does not come in my dictionary.. .
Santa: Phir dictionary dhek ke kharidni chahiye thi na. .
***********************************
ekbar light gai hui thi.
SANTA : arre Banta bahuat garmi ho rahi hai, zara pankha lagana..
BANTA : kardi na sardaronwali baat!! pankha lagaya to moombatti bujh na jayegi??
***********************************
Customer: Is mirror ki guarantee kya hai?
Santa : It is 99% safe.! 100 feet se fenkoge to 99 feet tak kuchh nahi hoga"!
***********************************
Teacher to Santa " Where were U born?
Santa : In Tiruvanantapuram.
Teacher : Spell it?
Santa : (after thinking) I think I was born in GOA.
***********************************
Santa : People consider me as a "GOD"
Banta : How do you know??
Santa : When I went to the Park today, everybody said, Oh GOD ! U have come again..
***********************************
Santa complained 2 Police : Sir all items are missing, except the TV in my house.
Police : How the theif did not take TV???
Santa : I was watching TV na....
***********************************
Thought for the Day!!!
If you call your mother as MUM.. What will you call Mother's younger sis and elder sis?
Answer : MINIMUM & MAXIMUM
***********************************
When do you congratulate someone for their Mistake?
Answer : On their Wedding !!
***********************************
Whats the height of Intelligence?
Answer : A 99 year old Santa going for HUTCH ka naya lifetime scheme ..
***********************************
internet friendship proposals
will u be my frinedship with me? plz?????? (ya sure)
im all alone and in need of frinedship and friends. (ill gladly be ur friend if only you wud improve ur english)
helelo i want friesship with u. (that reminds me of kkkkkiran)
i want to be closed friend with u. (when were we open?)
i want 2 b frands with you. (yup frands)
i want to be close friendship with u. (then be. cuz im closed for you)
please reply me to me weather we r frinds or not? (then you reply to urself dear me to me)
behtarin.... love..... . can v b plas? (r we gonna fix a car? or screw some nuts?)
itne mast mails kahaan se laati ho love? can there be friends between us?and if frinedship is accepted. then.....
okkkk thunks. thunk u so muck that u become my freind!!!!!! !!!!!!!! ............ .....do u have an a a/c in orkat??????? ??
if u have plz sand me u r link.
(notice the space between u and r. it completely changes the meaning of the sentence. the sentence now becomes "if u have plz sand me you are link")
*******
"Two Guys, ? Brains?"
Two friends rented a boat and fished in a lake every day. One day they caught 30 fish. One guy said to his friend, "Mark this spot so that we can come back here again tomorrow."
The next day, when they were driving to rent the boat, the same guy asked his friend, "Did you mark that spot?"
His friend replied, "Yeah, I put a big 'X' on the bottom of the boat." The first one said, "You stupid fool! What if we don't get that same boat today!?!?"
" Four Wives "
There was a rich merchant who had 4 wives. He loved the 4th wife the most and adorned her with rich robes and treated her to delicacies. He took great care of her and gave her nothing but the best.
He also loved the 3rd wife very much. He's very proud of her and always wanted to show off her to his friends. However, the merchant is always in great fear that she might run away with some other men.
He too, loved his 2nd wife. She is a very considerate person, always patient and in fact is the merchant's confidante. Whenever the merchant faced some problems, he always turned to his 2nd wife and she would always help him out and tide him through difficult times.
Now, the merchant's 1st wife is a very loyal partner and has made great contributions in maintaining his wealth and business as well as taking care of the household. However, the merchant did not love the first wife and although she loved him deeply, he hardly took notice of her.
One day, the merchant fell ill. Before long, he knew that he was going to die soon. He thought of his luxurious life and told himself, "Now I have 4 wives with me. But when I die, I'll be alone. How lonely I'll be!"
Thus, he asked the 4th wife, "I loved you most, endowed you with the finest clothing and showered great care over you. Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company?" "No way!" replied the 4th wife and she walked away without another word.
The answer cut like a sharp knife right into the merchant's heart. The sad merchant then asked the 3rd wife, "I have loved you so much for all my life. Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company?" "No!" replied the 3rd wife. "Life is so good over here! I'm going to remarry when you die!" The merchant's heart sank and turned cold.
He then asked the 2nd wife, "I always turned to you for help and you've always helped me out. Now I need your help again. When I die, will you follow me and keep me company?" "I'm sorry, I can't help you out this time!" replied the 2nd wife. "At the very most, I can only send you to your grave." The answer came like a bolt of thunder and the merchant was devastated.
Then a voice called out : "I'll leave with you. I'll follow you no matter where you go." The merchant looked up and there was his first wife. She was so skinny, almost like she suffered from malnutrition. Greatly grieved, the merchant said, "I should have taken much better care of you while I could have !"
Moral :
Actually, we all have 4 wives in our lives
A. The 4th wife is our body. No matter how much time and effort we lavish in making it look good, it'll leave us when we die.
B. Our 3rd wife ? Our possessions, status and wealth. When we die, they all go to others.
C. The 2nd wife is our family and friends. No matter how close they had been there for us when we're alive, the furthest they can stay by us is up to the grave.
D. The 1st wife is in fact our soul, often neglected in our pursuit of material, wealth and sensual pleasure.
Guess what? It is actually the only thing that follows us wherever we go. Perhaps it's a good idea to cultivate and strengthen it now rather than to wait until we're on our deathbed to lament
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